From Not a Non-Undisclosed Location

         Before arriving we were told this base was an undisclosed location, and should be referred to as "An Undisclosed Location in Southeast Asia" in social media, conversations, etc. But upon arriving here we were briefed that Al Udeid Air Base is no longer an undisclosed location. Which was slightly confusing because of all the negatives in that statement. Almost a triple negative. Not an undisclosed location = a disclosed location = not a closed location = an open location = I can tell you where I am.

          In ROTC, our commandant told us stories of his deployments to the Middle East: long, 14 hour days, 6-7 day work weeks, rugged quarters, cold showers, pill boxes and guard towers, mortar attacks, harrowing convoys through cities dodging IEDs . This is nothing like that. At all. Those not stationed at Al Udeid refer to it as "Camp Cupcake" out of jealousy. All the amenities here give it more of a TDY feel rather than a deployment. When not working or on the Operations side of the base we are allowed to wear civies, giving off-duty personnel a feel of humanity. No one likes work clothes. The indoor and outdoor pools are more than I've experienced at any base in America. There are still pill boxes and guard towers here but they are empty, only vestiges of harder times when there was only one pool to lounge at. Comically, the base has grown much and now engulfs what was once the fence line so the pill boxes and guard towers face towards what are now the living quarters giving - with the help of barbed wire fencing - a prisoner camp feel.

         When I'm not flying my day is my own. No additional duties. No need to wear a uniform. Get up early, sleep in late, whatever. With all the free time (we are only flying 2 times a week on average) I'm finding it hard to occupy my time. There are not a plethora of activities on base. When I call home most of my part of the conversation includes what I ate for meals and what type of workout I did. Eat. Sleep. Workout. It makes for hot bods but dull stories. Even the flying itself is rather vanilla.

           Much of the last decade of flying in theater has consisted of flying exciting, fast paced low levels over hostile territories, dropping supplies to forward deployed troops or landing in an obscure, unimproved, dirt landing strip in the middle of the wilderness. Now that America's pace in the Middle East, especially Afghanistan, has started to draw down, all we've been doing recently is standard hauls back and forth between big hubs. Pile on some pallets and passengers here, fly 5 hours away to drop them off, pick up some more trash, haul it back home. After a couple of weeks we got in the grind of the routine and spend most of our time trying to fill the free time with something other than eating and working out.

            A couple of days ago my crew and I drove into down Doha, Qatar's capitol. Tons and tons of construction going on everywhere and traffic was a roller coaster. We stopped in a large marketplace area and spent most of the day there, walking around shops, talking with vendors and eating at a restaurant Damascan. When I went to Kenya after my Junior year at Auburn, the majority of vendors there attempted to make you feel like the "rude American" for looking and not buying so I was surprised by how friendly some of the shop owners were in Qatar. We talked at length with a Sri Lankan jewelry vendor. He was adamant that we come in and have tea and just talk and look, "No need to buy!"  

Devin, our AC, second from the left, bought us all these Raybans, authentic, of course

We got to see a sunrise on one early flight

The Crew, from left to right: me, Kris, Mike, John, Doug and Devin

Over Pakistan you can see where the desert ends and the rocks begin

Pakistan shore line

Load masters load mastering

The engineer engineering and I

Same but now with Raybans

Go-karts #warishell

Cheyenne! I haven't been there for a week and a half. I don't miss it very much but, now that I'm headed back there, I realize I have no negative feelings for it. If I were going back to Columbus I would be accompanied by a feeling of dread and negative anticipation.

            I'm on my way back from Pensacola, FL, where I had water survival training with the Air Force. Just like it sounds like, they trained us to survive in the water should we have to bail  out over the ocean. It included parachute training (via parasailing!), rafting skills (how to float good), what to eat (fish (but not the spiky ones)) and what to drink (not the ocean (however, it did come up that, in a pinch, you could use a rubber tube and a very, very, very good friend (or perhaps someone you hope to never see again) and filter saltwater through an orifice other than your mouth)). Mostly we waited our turn to do the next thing. 

              Everyone in the military is very good at waiting and, incidentally, very good at complaining about waiting. You could say we are professional waiters (not to be confused with anyone in the food industry). We wait for food, we wait for jobs, we wait for flights, we wait to be shot at. And any training event, alongside with the actual "training objectives" (which never officially includes waiting) is especially good at making you wait for hours for a 30 second training drill, thrill or beating, thus preparing you to wait for an official drill, thrill or beating. Each training event has a special irritant to make the waiting even less enjoyable. In land survival it was being cold, in water survival it was having to wear a parachute harness the entire time that was especially snug in all the wrong places.

              Besides the waiting, the training was fun. The highlight was definitely parasailing. We sailed 500-700 feet above the ocean before pulling releases and floating down into the water. The emphasis on the way down was running through a checklist to ensure we are prepared to land. The emphasis on landing was to not drown and release your parachute. Would love to do that again sometime. Wish I had pictures but we weren't allowed to bring any phones or cameras.

              The last day we spent about 1 1/2 hours in a one man life raft in the middle of the ocean. Just floating, and I guess surviving. There were no special requirements or checklists to run through, just floating. So I brought a powerade and granola bars, consumed those, then took a nap. And that was the last day. Lessons I learned from that week: a tight, wet harness next to wet, salty clothes will likely end in chaffing.

Octoberfest

I finished studying II Corinthians and started doing a study in the Bible on peace, not because I felt like and expert or was interested in studying it but because I felt a lot of anxiety and depression in October and a little hopeless. This study felt like the only good thing that came out of this month.

Monday, 3 October 2011

                       

                        John 14:15-31

            In talking about peace one must realize it has different associations. One association has to do with a lack of worry, in that the “peace of God” (Philippians 4:7) guards our hearts and minds from the troubles the world presents. It’s Paul’s secret of being content in all situations.

            Peace is also associated with a lack of contention in a relationship, whether that relationship be between persons or nations, especially when there is cause for strife or war.

            This passage is Jesus talking to His disciples during the last supper. He promised them the Holy Spirit then said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.” The Holy Spirit is Jesus’ promise of peace.

            Usually when a close friend leaves in a crisis we feel abandoned, confused and scared. Anything but peace. But Jesus isn't like the world. His gifts last and sustain. After Jesus left the disciples were up against the world, but not alone and not without peace.

            The Holy Spirit comforts us with the peace Christ gave the world. Jesus did say peace was a gift, though, so we must accept it to know it. When we turn to our Comforter in times of trouble we are promised and receive the peace Jesus Christ gave to the disciples. “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid,” “for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you should go.”

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

                        Isaiah 9:6-7

            Jesus Christ, the “Prince of Peace.” Is there any doubt who reigns over peace? He counsels, He protects, and he is forever, The theme of this passage is that Jesus rules and He does so forever. “Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end.”

            The peace of Christ is a nuclear deterrent to anxiety. It’s guaranteed by the Lord who can. Shalom Hashem. Shalom Hashem. It is not only a social peace but the peace of God! It’s His! Shalom Hashem cannot be manufactured or reproduced. We can build walls and load guns for life and always be at unrest. Shalom Hashem is a gift.

            And I need it now, Father, in my relationships and my job. There are worldly reasons to worry but giving in to them delivers misery. I cannot satisfy my soul. I cannot produce my own Shalom. Father, I need Shalom Hashem.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

                        Romans 5:1-5

            This is the peace that matters. Peace with God. It’s a relational peace; and social peace should stem from it. Formerly, between us and God there was enmity, sin. He removed us from the garden, we lost the Spirit. When someone puts faith in the saving work of Christ, though, we regain peace with God. We regain the Holy Spirit. We have a Father.

            What then is suffering when we know the outcome? God will not allow me to be destroyed. Our suffering ultimately produces hope. Think about that. Suffering usually produces misery and despair but for us we gain hope! Because we have peace with God. We cannot have the peace of God – Shalom Hashem – unless we have peace with God. This comes through Jesus.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

            Not having a constant encourager here is difficult. There are plenty of people around but none to pray with., This isn't an unusual situation, though it is for me. Many, many have come before me – and many will follow- that lived among an unfamiliar people. For some it was cannibals and a language barrier. For others it was a harsh government. And me, I simply live among people I am  not praying with No one is after me, no one is trying to kill me, I receive no persecution except what I give myself. My mission is easy, yet it is no less important than John Patton’s, David Livingstone’s, Martin Luther’s, Nate Saint and Jim Eliot’s. Jonathon Edward’s or the Apostle Paul’s. it is the same mission, only a different place and people. My discouragement comes when I forget this mission Christ gave me and purpose instead on my own fruitless endeavors.

            I don’t expect to have an all-inclusive life just because I think often about the mission of Christ. But I do expect joy and peace.

                        Ephesians 2:11-22

            There is no longer hostility between God, His people and I. He has named me one of his own children and declared me as chosen. Again, Christ is our peace. Jesus bridged that gap on the cross. His message was peace: :He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.”

And it’s the Spirit that manifests this message of peace in us. God’s spirit dwells inside of us. Right now! We have access to the Father, our Father, at anytime. In times of trouble and times of rest we are never along and always have access to peace. Wear peace like a fleece jacket on a cold morning for so does the Lord comfort us when our heart is troubled.

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

                        Haggai 1:1-6

            The Israelites were living comfortably in their own homes while the Lord’s house was naked. They said it wasn't time to rebuild the temple so God jested, “Is it a time to be lazy and get fat?” (paraphrase). Part of the truth God exposes to us when we’re lost is our own deceitfulness. Israel convinced herself that there were more important things to get done than build the temple. But they were doing nothing of worth.

            Through his Word God revealed that for all their work they had accomplished nothing. The Israelites probably thought that they were doing many great things but just because you’re busy doesn't mean you’re producing anything of worth. “You have planted much, but harvested little.”

            It’s always important to ask yourself if you are doing the Lord’s work or your own work, especially when you’re busy. It is God who determines the harvest of my hands and feet, not my hands and feet. I can only be obedient. I can try to do more but it’s useless. God does the work and we can rest in that.

            Israel tried to do more. They worried about hunger so they plowed fields, they worried about thirst so they drew water. They worried about the winter so they made clothes. But none of those things carried lasting satisfaction with it. They did all that when God’s instruction was, “build m house.”

            “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…” – Matthew 6:25-34

Christ is sufficient and so is his work!

Monday, 24 October 2011

                        Haggai 1:7-8

            “Think about what you’re doing,” God told the Israelites. Don’t mindlessly wander around trying to only to satisfy your desires. They weren't thinking. Had they forgotten? Jerusalem was being rebuilt because it had been destroyed. The people were returning because they had been exiled. All that took place when Israel forgot God. They turned their backs and rebelled, so God gave them over to their sins.

            The problem in Haggai seems small, even unproblematic. It’s good to build a house and have shelter. But God must be the preeminent priority. He said, “Give careful thought to your ways,” because he could see how quickly His people were going to return to their old ways. “Don’t make the same mistake!”

            “Give careful thought to your ways.” Are you treading down paths you've walked before? The best thing we can learn from mistakes is how to avoid them the next time. What areas do I commonly put on higher priority than God’s commands? I’m not wondering about sin. That’s obvious. But what am I so worried about that makes me want to fix it before I turn to God? That was a poorly worded question but whatever.

            It’s certain that God can, and often does, cause change without human help and it’d be silly to say he needs us. But even with His divine nature he has chosen to accomplish work through the obedience of his people – “Whom shall I send?”

            There are many reasons why God chooses to work this way. God desires to have a relationship with us, “I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory…” So God gives us decisions. Love is action, and a healthy relationship is love. We should love God (and can) because he first loved us. A relationship is a two-way street, although love doesn't have to be. Is there a relationship between a girl her teddy bear?

            Israel was being a teddy bear. Each was doing his own thing thinking someone else will do God’s will, and still they expected great things. Many people ca n argue a good life without God, but an abundant life can be found only through Christ. No one was building God’s temple, therefore, he said, “God…so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored.”

            Thinking we don’t need to do God’s work since someone else will or because He doesn't need us is foolish. God wants to be glorified, but he has voiced throughout the world that he wants a relationship with us. Love is action.

The rest of September

I started SUPT in the beginning of September. I was living in a small studio dorm (see original posts from September 2011) and had not yet gotten involved with a close-knit community. The first month or so of SUPT was academics - lots of classroom time couple with simulators. The pace was much slower than what followed in Phase II - the flight line (actually flying airplanes). Reading through a lot of these old entries, it was obvious I was depressed and was always fighting anxiety. I experienced a lot of difficulties in the rest of pilot training but September through October of 2011 was the most draining and darkest part of my experience in Columbus.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

                        II Corinthians 7

            The comfort God gives me He gives so that I might comfort others, as well as be comforted. Every good thing my Father gives me is like fire; it should spread. A fire brings warmth and comfort but it also destroys. The light of the world, Jesus, brings love but also destroys sin and evil.

            Paul’s intention in writing Corinth the first time was twofold: to expel immorality among them and to encourage them in love.

            How am I spreading this fire? There are a lot of people around me. None that I’m close to have fire, the love of Christ, that I know of. In what areas am I trying to share His love with these guys and in what areas am I letting Christ us me to love them?

            I don’t talk like them, I don’t love the same things they do, I don’t look at people in bars the same way they do, but I’m beginning to think like them and that scares me. I don’t want to use my lack of fellowship as an excuse to lack in spiritual fervor. I need You know more than ever. You’ve given me tools. I pray I use them.

Monday, 19 September 2011

                       

            Father, I want You. I’m never as close as I want to be. Trying to get there is tiring and impossible; always seeing never arriving/ I want to be there now. I’m so tired of fighting for it. My flesh is continually tripping me up, turning me around and throwing me back to the beginning. I’m exhausted and alone. It takes little to depress me spiritually. The lack of community, friends and family is enough to floor me. Why are you so far away?

            Why are You letting me do this on my own? It sucks. I tell you I need you but I’m still solo. I can’t quit this and let you do it unless you tell me how or do it for me. Please do it for me, Father. I’m worthless and tired. I don’t need a Barnabas or Jonathan, I need You.

            Don’t be far from me. Don’t let me stray. Yank me back before I fall beyond where I can get up.

                        II Corinthians 8:1-15

            What we do in this life echoes in eternity. Yet, still, I’m selfish. I say, “look at what I give!” but look at what I keep.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

           

            Yesterday was a much better day spiritually. Emotionally still not that good. Lately, I’ve only turned to God after my face makes contact with the ground. His “A” plan is for us to turn to Him first. Anything else and we can expect disappointment.

                        II Corinthians 8:16-9:5

            Paul is really pressing the Corinthians about this gift. He says again and again that he’s not pressing becase of need or to judge, bnut so that the Corinthians can prove what Paul’s been boasting about them to others. The Corinthians probably had a bad rap from what I can tell in Paul’s previous letter to them. Now, he’s giving them a chance for redemption among the other churches.

            Corinth was already redeemed in the syes of our Father. He saw their hearts. But even Paul said in 8:21; “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men,” it should be our first mnotive to please the Lord but also to be at peace with all men, If the world sees me as a sinner how can I be any witness to the righteousness of Christ?

            Again, Christ is the preeminent priority. I’m going to do everything to please Him through obedience. When I am confident in the Holy Spirit that I am in His will and in a right relationship with Him then I should seek out ways that I can be right before men.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

                       

                        II Corinthians 9:6-15

            Whatever we sow we reap. And if we receive a generous gift we should sow it generously. If we sow generously, we will reap a generous harvest. God has given us an abundance of many things. We’re not to build a castle for ourselves with them or, even worse, do nothing. We are given in order to give.

            Lord, I feel there are so many things You’ve given me that I’m squandering right now. I’m so self-focused on my own problems I can’t even see other people.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

            The next test we have covers some cumbersome material. A lot of it relates to the operation of the avionics and environmental systems. Turn this, pisj that, pull here but only when you’re on this page and want this thing. I don’t know how to study for this.

           

            Even the tiniest bit of hope can make an impossible outcome seem like an imminent destination. So, in human relationships we must be careful with hope. With God, however, we can let hope run wild.

            I’m a little discouraged, Lord. Encourage the downcast (me) and give me a joy for this job.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

            Today was short. We had a reviw session from 8-9:30 and that was it. I have a UTD tomorrow and then the Systems 2 test. This academic portion can be tedious but it’s not very stressful. Don’t want to get lax and fail a test though. There’s usually time in the day to take a long nap. Wish phase II would be like this as well but those 12 hour days are already looming.

            I’m starting to feel comfortable around these guys. This is when the clown side of me usually rears its head but I want to show Jesus. I only have a year here with them.

            Peace to you, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Be at peace. Don’t try to find it. Have it. It’s already been given to you.

22 August - 5 September 2011

After IFS I had a couple of weeks before SUPT started. Some of this might seem "preachy" but it was really a pep talk to myself. With my experience in IFS I knew SUPT was going to be incredibly difficult and, if I wasn't careful, very depressing.

Monday, 22 August 2011

            II Corinthians 1:1-11

            In Paul’s greeting he updates Corinth on what has happened to him. Sharing is part of teaching. The NIV uses “comfort” a lot in this passage but I don’t’ think this is the same as “comfortable”. Rather it refers to comfort in sorrow. Paul just returned from great hardships I Asia but was comforted by the Holy Spirit. Paul desired to share that same comfort with the Corinthians.

            What has God given us that He didn’t intend for us to share? Everything the Father gives me should be given back in praise or shared with others to His glory. What am I keeping to myself? If I am supposed to share my sorrow with others then how much more joy and salvation!

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

           

            II Corinthians 1:12-2:11

            Whatever God has promised Christ reaffirms with a “yes.” We should have confidence, then, in what is written and live like it. Health cannot be claimed because it has not been promised, but joy we can claim at any moment, and should, since it has already been given to us.

            Lord, prepare my heart for this next phase. Don’t let me be discouraged as before. I don’t live to flu like I once thought I might. Because I endured hardships I realized I live for You and that Your will guides me, not my own. How true are the words, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth, These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”

            God has led me here. I could not have gotten here alone and I don’t know how to go from here. But I don’t have to know! God has promised to lead me. The way seems hard but He promised to make the rough places smooth. I am insufficient – I think I’ve sufficiently covered that – but Christ gives me enough!

Thursday, 25 August 2011

                        II Corinthians 2:12-17

            The question I’m thinking this morning is, “do I speak before God with a sincere heart of for profit?” The former is desirable but often I slip into the latter because OI think if I am talking to God then I am in righteousness. That’s a lie. Satan talks to God.

            To talk with someone in sincerity means, in this context, there must be a sincere, loving relationship, How can I have a sincere conversation with someone if I don’t care about them? Do I care about Jesus and what He’s done for me or do I merely use His sacrifice for profit? If someone died for me is it not appalling to use what they did to make money? What cause am I living for? Mine or Christ’s?

Friday, 26 August 2011

                        II Corinthians 3:1-6

            This is what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, This is why I am here. I am Christ’s letter to those around me here in Columbus. Not that I have anything to boast about; my confidence is in the Lord. My mission is very clear and it has little to do with pilot training. The Air Force is a vessel for Christ’s letter. Jesus wants those around me to read His letter to them.

            My mission is to show these what the letter says. The easy prt is that the letter has been given to me and written on my heart. I know the letter whether I’m aware of it or not. How can this be? This is possible because the message is Spirit filled, not engraved on stone, and I have the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the letter written on my heart for ht world to see. I have no reason to boast because I myself am not the Spirit not did I write the letter. Can the paper take credit for the Author’s work? I am merely parchment.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

                        II Corinthians 3:7-18

            There are very few people who radiate with the glory of God. Moses had to wear a veil and that glory came from the ministry of the law, death, which was temporary. Why are we not shining with the glory that comes from the ministry of the Spirit which gives LIFE and lasts forever?

            We veil Christ’s glory because a) we are afraid the light might offend others or b) Christ is not a priority and the veil is made out of worldly coverings. Either way we blend in with the world. It is impossible to read a letter without light. How can you expect to live in darkness and have the world read the letter written on your heart? Can’t do it. That’s trying to serve two masters.

            Take the veil off. Don’t be afraid of different. Love in the light. Enjoy seeing the path ahead of you!

            The Lord takes pleasure in you and I. He desires joy for us, joy that lasts. And He wants us to have confidence in Him. Today, I lack that confidence. Maybe one day I will stand before the Lord and know. Today, though, it’s merely mine to be obedient.

Tuesday, 5 September 2011

                        II Corinthians 4

            “We have this treasure in jars of clay,” and that treasure is the light of the glory of Christ. We are the jars of clay and the only way light can shine through is if the jar is broken. “For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our body.”

            Our death, like Jesus’, then brings life. The more the world sees us suffer and respond in a Christ-like manner the brighter that light is. “Perplexed, but not in despair…struck down but not destroyed.” Yes, we are often broken like clay jars, but that only serves to show more light. That light brings warmth.

IFS: 29 July - 16 August 2011

This was from my time at IFS in Pueblo, CO. It was definitely a struggle for me. I struggled with the actual training greatly, but also wrestled with feeling very unfulfilled flying, wondering if being a pilot in the Air Force really was what God had for me. I didn't enjoy what I was doing. Eventually made it through the training with mild success but, to this day, the whole IFS experience is a blur and I couldn't tell you what I learned there. I was just grateful to be done.

Friday, 29 July 2011

            This is my first significant time outside in three days but it feels like more. Days are filled with classroom lectures from 7am until 4:30pm with a lunch break in between. I’m trying to absorb everything but it’s a lot and usually overwhelming. Don’t even have time to think about how I feel about all of this, or if I’m enjoying it. Just do it.

            II Timothy 3:10-17

            I feel like Timothy and I come from similar backgrounds. We have a lot to be thankful for that we cannot take credit for having. It’s just been given to me. I don’t have to read the Word to know what it says because I already know it – not because I was born with knowledge but because I was born into a community and brought into a church that inundated me with incredible Biblical knowledge and wisdom. That was a gift!

            Even though I know this Book well it is not overused and worn out in my life. It will continue to inspire forever, so that God may be glorified and me equipped

Saturday, 6 August 2011

            II Timothy 4:9-22

            “[S]o that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it.”

            This is my chief end; it’s not being successful. Here at IFS my sole purpose has been perfection in flying planes. It’s exhausting and unfulfilling. The reward for doing well is so small in comparison to the preparation you have to go through for the rest of the day. I don’t want to spend time investing in an airplane. I want to invest in people. I want to pursue the Lord.

            Father I confess that You’ve been an afterthought while I’ve been here. I don’t want my life to be that way. You are my first love, and greatest endeavor in life. My life, my training is Yours. It’s not mine to own. I give up my right to do what I want. Please use me for Your Kingdom’s sake. That’s the only thing that gives me lasting fulfillment.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

            The Word of the Lord is encouraging. Reading it, hearing it, just knowing it’s there is enough to comfort. These have been hard days and I’ve struggled and been beaten down in ways I’ve never experienced. The end is closer but I still have no confidence in my abilities. It’s Christ in me that succeeds. If you could read my thoughts while studying and know my temperament in the plane you’d agree, too. It’s the Holy Spirit that comforts me.

            “My hope comes from above.” My confidence in the Lord is such that the results from this program will not have an effect on my joy. If I strive to please Christ while I’m here I cannot fail (in spiritual terms (in human terms I absolutely fail)); and I’m not talking about becoming a pilot. My goal is to bring glory to God. If that means being screened (cut from the program) then so be it. If it means passing my check ride then even more so be it. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” even bring glory to God and have joy in the midst of human failure.

            “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.” I pray for this. When it comes, though, my joy often turns to depression because my focus is on my circumstances and my wants. But if I turn to the Word in depression I find joy. The Word points me to Christ, and there is where my focus turns. I am Christ’s, and He never fails me. When my gaze is fixed on Jesus I see how big He is and how small my situation is. In affliction I find how sweet Your Word is, sweeter than honey.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

            Mark 12:28-34

            The only thing of worth we can bring to others is love. Wisdom and knowledge are great but can be found in the world. The love of God, however, is shown to the world through His children. Love, is the greatest commandment. Love remains. There is no love like the love of Jesus. When I become unsure of what love is I have only to look to Jesus and what He did for me. Love is action.

            I soloed today. One week ago I didn’t think I’d make it. I don’t think I’ll make tomorrow by myself. The only way I’ve made it this far and the only way I’ll make it through tomorrow is the Spirit’s intervention. I am not confident of my skills but I have great confidence in the will of God to get me where I need to be. If I become a pilot it will be because my Father made me a pilot.

            If the Lord wants us to go somewhere we are going to end up there. The only choice we have is how we travel. We can go unwillingly like Jonah or run there like Abraham and Elijah. Run.

            Seeing how I got through college, seeing how I’ve made it this far and looking at my talents, abilities, lack of talents and abilities, loves, passions and interests it’s obvious I am where God wants me. He loves me.

11 July - 25 July 2011

Monday, 11 July 2011

            Sometimes I’ll feel good about life. Headed in a good direction. Purity on the brain. Really have a good hold on my situation. Then I fall and realize how far I’ve been from “good” all along.

            I’m struggling here in Columbus. Met some friends but no one I can go deep with. I need that accountability on the ground, not only close air support. My sin shames me. Never have I been so unsure of life as this. It will improve, I know. I just don’t’ want to feel so alone. I wish You would write me letters with my name in them. So tired of this struggle. Lots of questions.

            Reading your Word I want you to yell at me for my rebellion. Then I read II Timothy 2:13, “if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” And that hurts worse. You’ve claimed me as your own and I see no good thing in me. I can’t understand why me. My attempts to be good and loving are always selfish. Please send help.

            I keep saying when I get this, or when this comes, or when I’m there, or here or when I’m with her or talking to this person it will be better. But those things only point to the next thing. If I can’t have joy and contentment now I never will. How do I get there, Jesus? Take me to Eden.

            If you plan to take me out of pilot training eventually, please just go ahead and do it now. It’s boring as all get out right now. The things I’m turning to for security and satisfaction leave me feeling empty. Each day it becomes more difficult to fulfill those desires.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

            II Timothy 2:14-19

            We don’t need theology to die (that is, to see heaven). That would imply my salvation depends on me. But, “The Lord knows those who are his.” He won’t require anything of me when I reach him. He already claimed me. “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord,” though, “must turn away from wickedness.” I do need right theology for that.

            “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.” So handle the Word, but know right theology so you handle it correctly. That only comes by spending quality time in the Word: you, the Holy Spirit and God’s Word.

            If I don’t know right theology I could be led astray by people like Hymenaeus and Philetus. It happens every day. It happened to some of my friends. But the opposite can also happen if we correctly handle God’s Word. There is power.         

Monday, 18 July 2011

            Shame never brings me back to the Lord; neither does fear of retribution. The love of Jesus draws me back. When Jesus died on the cross ALL of God’s wrath for me was poured out on Him. On Jesus. That means no matter how far away I drift I will never taste the wrath of my Father. Are there still consequences for sin? Yes, but wrath? No. Rather, I will always ever only know His love.

                        “If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.”

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

            II Timothy 2:22-26

            From verses 20 and 21 I might ask how to cleanse myself from ignoble purposes. Paul answers with. “Flee the evil desires of youth.” But he doesn’t stop there. Once we remove evil we become naked, so we are to clothe ourselves with, “righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

            If I am naked I will do anything to cloth my shame. Even if it means putting on something dirty. That’s why Paul urges us to not stop at ridding ourselves of sin. If we do not cover our nakedness with righteousness sin will naturally creep back in. We cannot stand to live with insecurities visible. They must be covered up. So cover yourself with righteousness.

            Humility is a true mark of the Lord’s servant. Do not worry about winning. Quarrels always lead to division. Better to lose an argument and keep a friend than win a live alone.

Monday, 25 July 2011

            II Timothy 3:1-9

            “Always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.” Everything Paul lists is true of today’s culture, but this sentence is loudest. We have so much knowledge but so little acknowledgment of Christ. And it’s not just “pagans.”

            I was just listening to a sermon by Scott from First Pres Opelika on James. He said those who rely only on their words and right theology lack truth. Ignorance isn’t only for the godless. Too many who call themselves Christians have so much knowledge but lack faith. Just because a jury has all the right facts doesn’t ensure they’ll come to a right verdict. In fact, it’s popular today for the “educated” to oppose the truth (not just spiritual) to come up with a new idea of what is right, even if it’s false.

            It is right to challenge ideas to know if they are true. And I acknowledge the difficulties associated with accepting Scripture, but I know it is truth. Its truth has been present in my life in ways that make me weep. Test the Word against something solid and you’ll find that it is true. By something solid I mean a thing you can garner results from, not simply a hypothesis. It’s true not because it works. But it works because it’s true.