The rest of September

I started SUPT in the beginning of September. I was living in a small studio dorm (see original posts from September 2011) and had not yet gotten involved with a close-knit community. The first month or so of SUPT was academics - lots of classroom time couple with simulators. The pace was much slower than what followed in Phase II - the flight line (actually flying airplanes). Reading through a lot of these old entries, it was obvious I was depressed and was always fighting anxiety. I experienced a lot of difficulties in the rest of pilot training but September through October of 2011 was the most draining and darkest part of my experience in Columbus.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

                        II Corinthians 7

            The comfort God gives me He gives so that I might comfort others, as well as be comforted. Every good thing my Father gives me is like fire; it should spread. A fire brings warmth and comfort but it also destroys. The light of the world, Jesus, brings love but also destroys sin and evil.

            Paul’s intention in writing Corinth the first time was twofold: to expel immorality among them and to encourage them in love.

            How am I spreading this fire? There are a lot of people around me. None that I’m close to have fire, the love of Christ, that I know of. In what areas am I trying to share His love with these guys and in what areas am I letting Christ us me to love them?

            I don’t talk like them, I don’t love the same things they do, I don’t look at people in bars the same way they do, but I’m beginning to think like them and that scares me. I don’t want to use my lack of fellowship as an excuse to lack in spiritual fervor. I need You know more than ever. You’ve given me tools. I pray I use them.

Monday, 19 September 2011

                       

            Father, I want You. I’m never as close as I want to be. Trying to get there is tiring and impossible; always seeing never arriving/ I want to be there now. I’m so tired of fighting for it. My flesh is continually tripping me up, turning me around and throwing me back to the beginning. I’m exhausted and alone. It takes little to depress me spiritually. The lack of community, friends and family is enough to floor me. Why are you so far away?

            Why are You letting me do this on my own? It sucks. I tell you I need you but I’m still solo. I can’t quit this and let you do it unless you tell me how or do it for me. Please do it for me, Father. I’m worthless and tired. I don’t need a Barnabas or Jonathan, I need You.

            Don’t be far from me. Don’t let me stray. Yank me back before I fall beyond where I can get up.

                        II Corinthians 8:1-15

            What we do in this life echoes in eternity. Yet, still, I’m selfish. I say, “look at what I give!” but look at what I keep.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

           

            Yesterday was a much better day spiritually. Emotionally still not that good. Lately, I’ve only turned to God after my face makes contact with the ground. His “A” plan is for us to turn to Him first. Anything else and we can expect disappointment.

                        II Corinthians 8:16-9:5

            Paul is really pressing the Corinthians about this gift. He says again and again that he’s not pressing becase of need or to judge, bnut so that the Corinthians can prove what Paul’s been boasting about them to others. The Corinthians probably had a bad rap from what I can tell in Paul’s previous letter to them. Now, he’s giving them a chance for redemption among the other churches.

            Corinth was already redeemed in the syes of our Father. He saw their hearts. But even Paul said in 8:21; “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men,” it should be our first mnotive to please the Lord but also to be at peace with all men, If the world sees me as a sinner how can I be any witness to the righteousness of Christ?

            Again, Christ is the preeminent priority. I’m going to do everything to please Him through obedience. When I am confident in the Holy Spirit that I am in His will and in a right relationship with Him then I should seek out ways that I can be right before men.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

                       

                        II Corinthians 9:6-15

            Whatever we sow we reap. And if we receive a generous gift we should sow it generously. If we sow generously, we will reap a generous harvest. God has given us an abundance of many things. We’re not to build a castle for ourselves with them or, even worse, do nothing. We are given in order to give.

            Lord, I feel there are so many things You’ve given me that I’m squandering right now. I’m so self-focused on my own problems I can’t even see other people.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

            The next test we have covers some cumbersome material. A lot of it relates to the operation of the avionics and environmental systems. Turn this, pisj that, pull here but only when you’re on this page and want this thing. I don’t know how to study for this.

           

            Even the tiniest bit of hope can make an impossible outcome seem like an imminent destination. So, in human relationships we must be careful with hope. With God, however, we can let hope run wild.

            I’m a little discouraged, Lord. Encourage the downcast (me) and give me a joy for this job.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

            Today was short. We had a reviw session from 8-9:30 and that was it. I have a UTD tomorrow and then the Systems 2 test. This academic portion can be tedious but it’s not very stressful. Don’t want to get lax and fail a test though. There’s usually time in the day to take a long nap. Wish phase II would be like this as well but those 12 hour days are already looming.

            I’m starting to feel comfortable around these guys. This is when the clown side of me usually rears its head but I want to show Jesus. I only have a year here with them.

            Peace to you, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Be at peace. Don’t try to find it. Have it. It’s already been given to you.